It's embarrassing to write about but I was throwing a temper-tantrum and couldn't get it out of my mind. Nobody was around luckily, it was in reaction to the fact that I couldn't get a hold of Yukari on the phone and she was ignoring me. I also noticed myself being mouthy at work last week, but I was saying just things. Today, after yesterdays panic, I'm feeling better and have been mentally training myself to keep my mouth shut. I'm gonna wait to see if I can control it before I inform the doctor because he will bring the dose down if he thinks i'm in danger, thus lessening the chances the treatment will be successful. I've been reading on the net and folks with similar experiences often encourage eachother by suggesting to keep a quiet environment. Also a common theme seems to be not to quit and stick it out. One person said things mellow out after week twelve. I'm a tough cookie and will keep my mouth shut if I start thinking sick shit. I gotta remember I have some funny sunglasses on at the time.
5 件のコメント:
Matt, I'm so glad you are able to be self-reflective and self-aware about these experiences. This is the kind of experience we all have, often caused by some chemical issue- hormones, blood sugar, fever, or other physical stress.
When I was going through menopause, I used to go to the gym when I was like this because hard exercise gets the adrenalin out of your system. Maybe some more exercise will help you ride this out.
Also I learned to "go to my room." I would send myself to my room and wait until I was feeling less labile so I didn't burn any relationship bridges.
Your blog will help-keep it up! Way to go!
Lord have mercy! I hear you on this one. It is a horrible feeling to be out of control and at the mercy of a chemical pendulum that is swinging back and forth in your body. Have you stood in the mirror yet and yelled...."who the hell are you and what have you done with Matt?"
It is very good that you are able to stand back and see it from the outside...and stay very focused on the reality that this is NOT THE REAL YOU! It is a manifestation of a the assault your body is going through.
Here's an idea that worked very well in our house when everyone of us has gone through a similar "alien body" experience. ...Give it a name. Give this person that takes over a name. When Kelly was PMSing and having high blood sugar, we used to say "Gretta" is here. When I was menopausal, I used to call her Xena, the Princess Warrior.
When you give it a name and announce very clearly that "so-and-so" has arrived, it's easier for the poor people around you. You can all laugh about it and your loved ones can take cover! By giving it a name, it also helps to underscore the fact that "so-and-so" is only here for a while and (thank God) they will be gone soon!
Keep up the blogging. It's great to hear how you are mustering great strength to triumph over this. Love, Auntie D.
I really like Auntie Donna's idea - giving your alter ego a name brings a bit of levity to a much needed situation. I can totally relate to the out of body experience - reminds me of some of my not too distant drug experiences!
It sounds like you are getting good information from the net world - can you imagine going through this in a time that reaching out to others was not as easy as it is now? The internet sure has changed the way we interact with each other.
Keep up the hard work Matt-o...we're all rooting for you! The boys say hello, they miss you and love you~!
Matt-O, being moody sucks! Every man should know exactly what it is like to be a women...hehe!! Just kidding. It is no fun and I am sory that you are experiencing this. But, it sounds like you have a great attitude and I now that you can "push through." Keep on keeping on!! We are behind you!
Love and kisses to you today.
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